I’m prefacing this with the fact that I’m still actually reeling over that fucking bulls-eye observation of yours about S2 Killian not being shown to drink while S3+ Killian is kind of identified by his flask. You. How dare you. You genius. Never stop.
OK with that thought in mind (this is still a fetus line of reasoning) I’m definitely thinking that Killian’s drinking started off because he was just in a constant state of rage as a kid and he started drinking with this vague notion of numbing himself to protect Liam from the consequences of his outbursts.
And if that’s the root of his desire to numb himself, it stands that when he has no one to care about in his life, he doesn’t need to drink himself into apathy because he can use his rage as a weapon with the only other possible casualty being himself, which as we see by his suicidal streak in S2, he doesn’t really give a shit about.
And then when he turns his ship around and there’s suddenly this group of people who he maybe kind of feels feelings for? he starts up with the rum again like muscle memory because he subconsciously equates protecting people he cares about with protecting them from himself, and the only way he feels comfortable with himself as a non-destructive member of a group is by taking the edge off of his personality with drink.
IDK, that’s where I’m leaning anyway.
(I actually just wrote and deleted a 1200 word answer that kind of evolved into a young!Jones Brothers ficlet, so thank you for your harrowing conversation starters that help me to vomit out pain fic to edit for later :D)
First of all, thank you for thoroughly distracting me from my work and giving me ask these thoughts and emotions. I would say “How dare you” but I’m pretty sure it was deserved. (I did ask for it… dammit)
Second of all, brilliant, so brilliant. I was trying to establish some kind of timeline for his habits and I think what you said is a piece I was missing from that puzzle.
Assume that young Killian knew he had anger issues and turned to drink to protect Liam from that darker aspect of himself, to reign himself in before his mouth or his actions caused something horrible to happen to the one person who still, inexplicably, cared for him. That moment, when he drank away his silver, he didn’t just ruin Liam’s chances like he always did. This time, the drinking, the one thing that he did to protect his brother, had the exact opposite effect and ended up hurting Liam more than any physical punishment.
He decides to turn himself around, as we see in the storm, he seems more with it, more alert, more… repentant. And they end up joining the Navy, where he gives up drink altogether – he’s not letting his weakness ruin this chance. But Neverland happens and he loses Liam to the shiny new king they thought would be the righteous opposite of their upbringing, and his anger wakes up again, only this time he has no family, no one to protect, and he doesn’t value himself anyway. He’s left with nothing but a renamed vessel and a pirate crew. He drinks now because, why not? That’s what pirates do, right? There’s nothing left for him, no one to protect from himself but we still only ever see him drinking in taverns, not the same as the self-medicating flask he carried before Liam died or after, in Neverland.
Milah happens, and he’s still a pirate, but her Dark One husband meets him at the tavern and threatens to kill him. He shows up for their duel and he’s totally sober. He’s got a purpose and he’s protecting her but she’s not there and he needs all the anger he can manage, though he knows he won’t survive. He does, she doesn’t, and now he has a quest, a purpose again. He doesn’t need to drink (aside from in taverns, we don’t see him with a flask), he still needs that anger to fuel his vengeance. That carries ask the way through season 2.
Until, as you said, Neverland take two. Now there are people counting on him and he’s lost his purpose, he’s there for them, and he needs that control. The flask comes out, and frequently, as he tries not to blow it, to let that anger like with Ursula and Arial and his father, cost them what they need.
I have so many more thoughts but I better get back to work before someone notices. And if I’m missing something, please let me know.
You guys are such assholes I hate you all. (Don’t stop never stop)
cshappybeginning 