emmaofmisthaven:
“Why do you love me?”
The question takes him by
surprise, rolling on his tongue is a soft whisper. It is the middle of the
night, the both of them staring at the ceiling while sleep evades them. His
thoughts were wandering, as they so often do, settling on issues he would rather
forget. Can’t forget. Can’t ignore or put aside, for they gnaw at him until his
breath gets caught in his throat, until he remembers he’s nothing but a dirty,
useless pirate, a villain in so many stories. A slave. An orphan. Cast aside.
Forgotten.
Emma tenses by his side. He
winces in the dark.
“What do you mean?” she asks, her
voice just as soft, just as broken.
He closes his eyes, as if it
would help. “In the Underworld, you made a comment about my looks. And now…”
Now he can’t evade the thoughts of this man she met in another realm, this
version of him that has her smirk a little, teasing. Emma is a kind woman, a
kind soul – her mocking isn’t meant to hurt, that much Killian knows. Or
believes he knows.
“You think I only love you ‘cause
you’re pretty.”
It sounds more like an accusation
than a question, and Killian regrets even opening his mouth. This was a bad
idea. A stupid idea, one that will only upset her, upset him, upset their
relationship. He is about to tell her to forget about it – as if she could,
stubborn lass that she is – when Emma shifts on the bed, turning around to
tower above him.
She hesitates for a second, her
finger trembling slightly when they brush his cheek. Her eyes are pained,
guilty. Her smile is shaky when she leans to brush a kiss to his lips.
“You are kind,” she tells him,
mouth against his cheek. “And selfless.” A kiss to his jaw. “And brave.” To his
neck. “And heroic.” On the tip of his nose. “And fun.” His temple. “And
maddening.”
Her mouth is back against his,
teeth tugging on his bottom lip. He smiles, only a little.
“Your good looks are just a nice
bonus,” she adds. A breathless chuckle escapes him. “And I’m sorry if I made
you believe otherwise.”
His mouth opens to hers, his hand
against her neck. She deepens the kiss, moves so that her knees are caging his
hips, her hands on each side of his head. Her hair falls around them, a curtain
against the ugliness of the outside world.
“Stop doubting yourself,” she
implores. “Stop doubting me.”
He wonders if it is even
possible.
With time, perhaps.
I hate that I need to explain this, but sometimes people who love each other very much say mean things, thoughtless things, cruel things, in the guise of telling a joke or teasing.
Obviously it’s not ok.
But I do it sometimes to Mr. Artielu, without even thinking. It took me a while to realize it’s because my parents, particularly my father, did the same thing to me. And their parents did it to them. So you grow up thinking that being mean when telling jokes, making fun of people’s vulnerabilities just a bit (or more than a bit), especially when it has that kernel of truth in the middle, is just a Thing That Families Do, even though officially you all love each other, or do a good job pretending to. And you think it’s normal that sometimes feelings get hurt, suck it up.
So though I try to be less of a bitch, I catch myself sometimes giving Mr. Artielu shit for things, even I know he’s insecure about, because it’s easy for me to do it, it comes naturally, and maybe because let’s be real, I do actually want him to change that thing. Like laying off the dessert so he doesn’t put on extra weight.
Again, not ok. Mr. Artielu was not raised by assholes and doesn’t do that.
But this is what happens when you’re raised in a fucked up family. You are taught patterns of behavior you think are normal and ok. You don’t know any different.
To those of you who came from good, supportive families, congratulations, good for you. I know you can’t easily understand how she could be so casually cruel.
And Lord knows I’m seriously side eyeing this show on a lot of levels, but I can understand why Emma would say something shitty like that. She had a much tougher upbringing than I did. She saw what a healthy, loving relationship looks like only after she met her parents at 28, but not before then. If this scene from @emmaofmisthaven was canon, I would understand what the show is apparently doing. Almost.