The woman who was forced to grow up as an orphan, unloved and abandoned and alone, constantly screwed over by life, in particular by her first love, left pregnant in jail, practically forced to give up her child for adoption, without any hope of ever finding a home or people who would actually care for her and not screw her over… and still remained gentle and caring for other people, supportive of total strangers, good at heart, brave and constantly fighting against oppression, ready to give everything for the ones she loves, even if it means that she has to give up everything, even herself. And never blaming anyone else for the shit that kept and keeps happening to her – not fate, not bad luck or some mysterious author pulling the strings.
The strongest and most admirable character is NOT her abuser. Not the woman who tried to murder her and her loved ones multiple times. Not the woman who always takes the easy way out and constantly whines about her undeserved bad luck and how everyone always tries to screw her over. NO.
The question takes him by
surprise, rolling on his tongue is a soft whisper. It is the middle of the
night, the both of them staring at the ceiling while sleep evades them. His
thoughts were wandering, as they so often do, settling on issues he would rather
forget. Can’t forget. Can’t ignore or put aside, for they gnaw at him until his
breath gets caught in his throat, until he remembers he’s nothing but a dirty,
useless pirate, a villain in so many stories. A slave. An orphan. Cast aside.
Forgotten.
Emma tenses by his side. He
winces in the dark.
“What do you mean?” she asks, her
voice just as soft, just as broken.
He closes his eyes, as if it
would help. “In the Underworld, you made a comment about my looks. And now…”
Now he can’t evade the thoughts of this man she met in another realm, this
version of him that has her smirk a little, teasing. Emma is a kind woman, a
kind soul – her mocking isn’t meant to hurt, that much Killian knows. Or
believes he knows.
“You think I only love you ‘cause
you’re pretty.”
It sounds more like an accusation
than a question, and Killian regrets even opening his mouth. This was a bad
idea. A stupid idea, one that will only upset her, upset him, upset their
relationship. He is about to tell her to forget about it – as if she could,
stubborn lass that she is – when Emma shifts on the bed, turning around to
tower above him.
She hesitates for a second, her
finger trembling slightly when they brush his cheek. Her eyes are pained,
guilty. Her smile is shaky when she leans to brush a kiss to his lips.
“You are kind,” she tells him,
mouth against his cheek. “And selfless.” A kiss to his jaw. “And brave.” To his
neck. “And heroic.” On the tip of his nose. “And fun.” His temple. “And
maddening.”
Her mouth is back against his,
teeth tugging on his bottom lip. He smiles, only a little.
“Your good looks are just a nice
bonus,” she adds. A breathless chuckle escapes him. “And I’m sorry if I made
you believe otherwise.”
His mouth opens to hers, his hand
against her neck. She deepens the kiss, moves so that her knees are caging his
hips, her hands on each side of his head. Her hair falls around them, a curtain
against the ugliness of the outside world.
“Stop doubting yourself,” she
implores. “Stop doubting me.”
He wonders if it is even
possible.
With time, perhaps.
I hate that I need to explain this, but sometimes people who love each other very much say mean things, thoughtless things, cruel things, in the guise of telling a joke or teasing.
Obviously it’s not ok.
But I do it sometimes to Mr. Artielu, without even thinking. It took me a while to realize it’s because my parents, particularly my father, did the same thing to me. And their parents did it to them. So you grow up thinking that being mean when telling jokes, making fun of people’s vulnerabilities just a bit (or more than a bit), especially when it has that kernel of truth in the middle, is just a Thing That Families Do, even though officially you all love each other, or do a good job pretending to. And you think it’s normal that sometimes feelings get hurt, suck it up.
So though I try to be less of a bitch, I catch myself sometimes giving Mr. Artielu shit for things, even I know he’s insecure about, because it’s easy for me to do it, it comes naturally, and maybe because let’s be real, I do actually want him to change that thing. Like laying off the dessert so he doesn’t put on extra weight.
Again, not ok. Mr. Artielu was not raised by assholes and doesn’t do that.
But this is what happens when you’re raised in a fucked up family. You are taught patterns of behavior you think are normal and ok. You don’t know any different.
To those of you who came from good, supportive families, congratulations, good for you. I know you can’t easily understand how she could be so casually cruel.
And Lord knows I’m seriously side eyeing this show on a lot of levels, but I can understand why Emma would say something shitty like that. She had a much tougher upbringing than I did. She saw what a healthy, loving relationship looks like only after she met her parents at 28, but not before then. If this scene from @emmaofmisthaven was canon, I would understand what the show is apparently doing. Almost.
Allow me to nominate this for Best Anon Ask Ever (reference is to this post). I am so excited to write this. 🙂 Because the thing is, Anon, that I fell stupidly in love with Emma before the end of the pilot episode.
She is my favorite character in the show, and in the running for All Time Favorite From All Things. For all of my critiques of the show, I have very rarely had any quibbles with her portion of the story. This is literally one of those “how am I supposed to know when to stop writing” situations; I could go on for quite a while and include several hundred screen shots.
But to do that, one must first begin! So let me count a few of the ways in no particular order,
knowing that the moment I post this, I will think of something I should
have included.
I’ve seen this post today mentioning Rapunzel’s age on Tangled, and I was thinking about how in all the fairy tales the princesses are usually 18 (maybe even less, never more).
When I was a child they have always seemed to me so adult, so mature. I couldn’t wait to get to this age and become a woman of my own (and if it comes with a prince, even better).
But then the years pass (still no prince in sight in case you were wondering), but I finally do feel like a woman. And as such, I look back at age 18, and I don’t see it as an age where I was really an adult. I truly didn’t know anything about life yet back then. I didn’t know who I was, not for real anyway. And I just look at these princesses now, from the wisdom of my age, and just think, whoa, whoa, what’s the rush? You have your all life in front of you to get to know yourself, then meeting that prince (or princess, or even no one in particular). All these fairy tales seem even more unreal somehow.
But then it suddenly hit me, my favorite princess is actually a woman in her thirties:
Her fairy tale story began when she turned 28 and not 18!
No offence to those of you who are still teenagers or in their early twenties, trust me, one day you will maybe understand this post better, or maybe you are even getting it now, but I just want to take this post to acknowledge the fact that A&E chose the proper age for their princess to began her journey as a swan in oppose to a duckling.
Emma of age 18 was thrown into jail, and had a baby she gave away for adaption because she was still immature. She was led by the guy she thought was her “prince charming” right into a jail cell, and pregnant, probably because she was still a child who didn’t know herself enough to realize she needs to put herself first (or to use protection…).
It took her 10 more years to come to the point in which she truly knew who Emma Swan was. To become an adult. To be really able of becoming the hero, the savior, the princess.
She regain her son when she was at the right age to become a mother:
She regain her parents certainly at a very old age, but at the age she could tell them how she really felt
But also forgive them from a mature prospective
She was able to use what she learned about herself during her entire life, to fully fulfill her role as the savior and the princess
And she met her true prince (well, pirate) after she knew exactly what she was looking for, what she needed from him, and what she deserves
Don’t get me wrong, at this age people don’t just stop being a little childish
The young spirit is always there at any age. But I feel like Emma (and all of us at this range of ages) knows just a little more about life itself, and she was taking the role of the mature princess at the age it was truly designed for.
I love that Emma has actual magic but still calls her ability to detect lies a super power. It kinda tells me she doesn’t believe that this ability is tied up in her magic at all, but is more something she has honed due to her life experiences and trusts because of the circumstances that created the necessity for it.
Her verbiage has always been interesting too. Super power. Something associated with heroes. Something that saves. Something that probably saved her well before any of this other nonsense.
Which makes it all the more infuriating when people on the show dismiss it or mock it and why it’s so important to me that Killian calls it that too, not a “thing”,
but an ability she developed out of necessity from harder than normal life circumstance, as a child, when super powers were important and defined a hero not a victim.
You know, I’ve been thinking about the choice of words for Hook “isn’t exactly your strong suit”, and I thought about that just like the metaphor of the red jacket as an armor, the vulnerability is being used as a “suit”. And the truth is that vulnerability if I’m following that metaphor is sort of like pajamas (not only for Emma, but for many of us too). For me anyway, I have a problem being dressed with a pajama around strangers. I’m not talking about just wearing it outside (which I rarely do), but actually feeling comfortable wearing it around people I don’t know or trust enough, in a way, it makes me feel exposed.
And the thing is that going to Archie’s is an important development for Emma because while she was used to go around in her “pajamas” around Hook, and be totally vulnerable around him:
This is not something she is used to doing around a regular member of the town. Around a person who sees her as first of all “the savior”, around one of her “subjects” in a way. So while we have seen Emma being vulnerable before around Hook, but also around other members of her close family, this is a big step for her, and I wrote this post in order to acknowledge that great step.
For so long she was afraid to love – she thought she couldn’t have a happy ending. Everyone she’d ever been with ended up dead.
Then she finds true love with a pirate who is the ultimate survivor – he even COMES BACK FROM THE DEAD FOR HER.
And then, just when she feels safe, just when she feels like nothing can take him, or her happy ending, from her…
She learns she herself is fated to die.
She’s discovers she’s not going to lose her happy ending because he’ll be taken from her – but because she’ll be taken from him.
And despite this cruel irony, Emma Swan isn’t filled with rage or resentment – she’s not wasting time lamenting her fate and feeling sorry for herself. She’s not taking it out on anyone else.
She’s handling it with grace and attempting to make the most of the time she has left – she’s attempting to have the happiest “middle” she can even if an unhappy ending is in sight.
I wanna thank @solosprincess because I’ve been having a chat with her (as we always do after every episode) and she improved everything said below. Follow her!
I love how they’ve settled them here, representing Emma’s current life: she basically hit bottom. She doesn’t know where to go or what to do. The EQ did her best to give discourage Emma. The whole prophecy about her death, her insecurities about herself, and her (happy) ending, has forced her to go to therapy; hiding secrets from the people she loves. She is seeing how every effort to save someone can be undone.
That’s a lot for her.
She’s exhausted (perhaps not physically, but certainly mentally) and just completely and entirely done.
But Killian and Henry are her pillars. From the cinematography aspect, it puts her right between her “pillars” and forces her to look up, look up into the bright and hopeful, to literally lift her hopes.
They help her, they support her, they encourage her (”My emma’s too strong for that”, “Mom, you can do it”, “ You didn’t used to have magic and you found people. -He’s right.”). And all these things help her, make her powerful, make her want to risk it for good and move on – whatever her ending might be.
The best of everything is, despite her insecurities, they really believe in her. That’s beautiful.
I love Ashley’s purpose in Emma’s story as this figure who kind of represents what Emma gives up and has given up in exchange for the happy endings she doles out, kind of a personification of Emma’s entire arc for this season and really the show. This is an ongoing theme for Ashley that I really have to give the writer’s credit for continuing.
Ashley is the first happy ending Emma returned but she’s also a reminder to Emma of everything she gave up to BE the Savior.
In 5.08- Smash the Mirror Ashley/Alexandra and Snow/Neal remind Emma of what she lost in the past. What she never had. That episode too featured a sort of identity crisis for Emma, the embracing of her magic, and of loving herself.
In this episode Ashley/Alexandra and Killian (always our Snow figure), remind Emma of what she won’t get to have. The future she’s potentially lost.
Her asking Killian to move in with her is on the same level as taking Elsa’s hand in the Sorcerer’s mansion both an act of self, but also external, love.
Emma makes a decision for herself, despite what she feels she’s lost, after her loved ones, namely Henry, help her regain the magic that is apart of her.
She then gets to enjoy a quiet reflective moment with a loved one, embracing her future.
There are a lot of parallels in this episode with 4.08 on a small scale and I really just appreciate how they continue these themes with Ashley, a somewhat minor figure in the show, but one who shows up in pivotal episodes of growth when it comes to Emma as the Savior, and what having that role means for her and her own happy ending.
it hurts my heart that emma still hasn’t really found who she is. you know? she takes after a personality, or a whole persona and she completely dedicates herself to that. whether that’s being an orphan, or being a thief, even a bail bonds person. and now she’s so into being the savior, that’s all she thinks she is. she’s nothing without being the savior, and ugh emma my heart. one day she’s gonna learn who she is, and believe that she doesn’t need to be a hero to mean something. she’s important the way she is. she is enough.
cshappybeginning 