canwetalkaboutcaptainswan:

The Sixth Time It Happened? 

GUYS. I don’t know why my brain decided to come up with something so sad. I will ensure that the seventh time is the fluffiest fluff ball to ever fluff, I promise. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this heartbreaking slice of pain pie. 

If you missed the first 5 times Killian snuck into his daughter’s room in the middle of the night, here are some links for you: 
I. II. III. IV. V. 

@mayquita @galadriel26 @thegladelf @captainswan710 @naiariddle @chloefarthing3 @vigilantewives @iswearonouat @onceuponiwishmytime

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The sixth time it happens, Emma completely understands. She wakes that night, too, and instantly she feels the weight of the day’s tragedy against her chest. It doesn’t surprise her at all that Killian isn’t in bed next to her. Even though he was strong all day long, she could tell that the horrible events of the day took a deep toll on him. Tinkerbell is, after all, one of his best friends. Sometimes when Emma wakes up alone, she worries about where he is. But tonight, she only worries about how he must be feeling.

She takes a deep breath and gets out of bed, pulling on one of Killian’s t-shirts. They’d opted for silent, skin-to-skin cuddles to lull them both to sleep, but Emma had guessed that even so, it would be one of those nights that Killian was drawn down the hallway. She creeps that way now, and when she gets to the door, it’s shut. She braces her ear against it, and her heart shatters in her chest for the umpteenth time that day. She can’t hear Killian speaking. Instead, she can hear him weeping softly, his sniffles quiet but definitely real.

She pushes open the door slowly, expecting to see Killian’s tears collecting atop Leia’s head. However, she’s surprised to find that he isn’t holding the baby; instead, he’s sitting on the floor next to her crib, his forehead leaning against the slats. He’s shoved his hand between two of them, and Emma can just make out Leia’s tiny fingers wrapped around his thumb.

Instinctively, Emma crouches to the floor, not wanting to startle him or for him to think she’s looking down at him in any way. Now at his level, she crawls over to him, fighting against the tears that are gathering in the corners of her eyes. She can’t bear the thought of him in pain. She knows he knows she’s there, but he hasn’t acknowledged her yet, his eyes locked on Leia. Tentatively, she raises a hand, fluttering it behind him before deciding it best to simply lay it against his shoulder. Upon feeling her gentle touch he turns to look at her, and the tear-filled, heartbroken expression on his face just guts her.

Not even a second passes before she’s gathering him into her arms, cradling his head against her shoulder. He’s desperate for her comfort and he lets Leia’s fingers go so he can wrap his arms around her, fresh tears escaping. “I know,” Emma tells him with a wobbly voice, thick with her own tears. She rubs his back in soothing circles. “I know, Killian. You were so strong today, sweetheart. But you don’t have to be strong anymore, not with me. You can break down and you can cry. I have you. I’m here.”

He shakes in her arms and she just holds him tight, rocking them gently back and forth. After a few moments he takes a deep, shaky breath, and tries to speak. “I just,” he stammers, not knowing how to even communicate his grief, “I just can’t even fathom what they—” he pauses, “what she—” another pause, “or if…Gods, Emma, if it had been—”

“Shh,” she hushes him when he can’t continue, even though she knows what he’d been about to say. “Don’t do that to yourself, Killian,” she begs him. “Your baby is right there. Do you see her? She’s right there, Killian. She’s okay. I promise you. She’s okay.”

Tinkerbell and Will Scarlett had fallen in love. It had been unexpected and lightning fast, but they loved each other as if they’d been doing so for years and years. Tinkerbell had told Killian that the speed of it had scared her, but he’d assured her that when it came to epic love, things like time and speed were often transcended. It wasn’t long before they were married, and 6 months into Emma’s pregnancy, Tinkerbell announced that her and Will were expecting a child of their own. Tink and Hook spent many a night at Granny’s together, sharing both their excitement and their fears. Killian had even been with her when she’d felt the baby kick for the first time, and they laughed about it together. Their friendship was the only positive thing to arise from their time spent with Pan, and they were happy that their kids would get grow up as friends, without having to suffer any turmoil like they did.

But three days prior, all of their dreams for that were shattered. Tink went into labour, not unlike Emma had. The Swan-Jones family was enjoying a beautiful morning out on the waves when Will called Killian from the hospital to let him know that the baby was coming. Killian asked Emma if she’d mind if they went back to port earlier than they’d planned, and of course she’d enthusiastically agreed. Killian made Emma lunch and helped put Leia down for a nap before kissing her goodbye and heading for the hospital. To his surprise, Tink’s labour had been lightning fast, and when he arrived the baby had already been born. And then, to his utmost horror, he discovered the terrible news: Tink’s baby had been born still. Abigail Scarlett was born without breath, and despite the doctors’ valiant efforts, the precious baby girl was lost forever. Killian was fairly certain that the sound of Tinkerbell’s earth-shattering sobs would remain with him for the rest of his life. The following few days had been a complete haze of sadness and grief for the entire town, as arrangements were made for the funeral that took place today. Throughout all of it, Killian had remained a rock; while the storm of mourning raged on around him, he tried his damnedest to hold it together, strictly for Tinkerbell and Will’s sake. But now that he’s home, the waves of sadness and horror and grief and pain that he’d shoved down bubble to the surface and threaten to do him in. Emma is his ship, but Leia is his anchor, and he knows that without her, he’d surely float away.

Killian bites his lip hard enough to draw blood in an attempt to keep his sobs at a volume that won’t disturb his daughter’s slumber. He tries to focus on Emma’s voice, and on the warmth of her body around him. Even though she’s smaller than he, she’s somehow managed to hold him in her lap, and he’s so grateful that he has someone like her to be his beacon in the darkest of hours.

Emma is still on the subject of Leia, assuring him that their tiny, perfect little thing is right there next to them. “And there’s nothing else we can do, but just hold her,” Emma breathes against his forehead, tracing her fingertips up and down his spine, “Hold her and love her and be so, so thankful for her. Why weren’t you holding her, Killian?” she asks gently, because she is still curious as to why he’d just been sitting, looking in at her. “Hold her, sweetheart. She’ll help you heal better than I can.”

Killian takes another deep breath. “I wanted to let her sleep,” he whispers, reaching his hand back through the slats, “You always tell me about how important it is to let her sleep in her crib, and from now on, I just want to be sure that I always—”

Emma’s expression sinks into one of understanding and sadness as she absorbs his words of worry. She shakes her head vehemently and leans back a little, and after a flourish of her hand their baby is sandwiched between them. Killian sits up immediately and takes Leia in his arms, hugging her against his heart, his palm flat on her backside. He rubs his nose against her hair and hiccups back a sob, making the mistake of wondering how he would even begin to survive without his precious little love. He can’t fathom what Tink and Will are experiencing, but his heart breaks because he knows that they are holding each other somewhere, with no baby nestled in between them.

“I want her to know about her,” he murmurs, and Emma tilts her head, still stroking his back. 

“Hmm?” she asks, unsure of what he means.

“Leia and Abigail were meant to be friends,” he explains, and then Emma gets it. “We have to make sure that Leia knows that there’s an angel watching over her.”

Tears slip from Emma’s eyes as she reaches around to stroke her daughter’s cheek. “We’ll make sure,” she promises him. “She’ll know.”

Killian nods, and he’s quiet for a moment before he speaks again. “I just…I just love her so much,” he whispers, nuzzling his cheek against Leia’s velvety dark hair.

“I know.”

“I need her. Like air to breathe.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know.”

“It scares me,” he says it so quietly that she almost can’t hear.

“It scares me too,” she whispers back.

“She’s so tiny. So fragile.”

“But she’s strong,” Emma tells him, putting her hand over Killian’s, which is still clinging to Leia’s back. “She’s so, so strong. Like her Dad.”

He shakes his head. “Like her Mum,” he argues.

“And her Dad,” she argues back, and that, he’ll accept.

“Can we keep her with us?” Killian begs quietly, “Just for tonight? I can’t bear leaving her,” he tells Emma.

Emma nods her head immediately. “Of course,” she assures him, rubbing his knuckles, “I don’t wanna leave her either.”

With another wave of Emma’s hand, Killian feels the wind blowing against his face. She’s transported them to the porch swing outside, and with a snap of her fingers the quilt from their bed is wrapped tightly around the three of them. Emma nuzzles against Killian’s side, and Killian shifts Leia so that she’s laying safely in the crook of his arm. Keeping his eyes glued to the baby, Killian presses a chaste kiss to Emma’s head before leaning his own head against it. Emma can feel Killian’s body start to relax a little, and for that she is so, so thankful. She knows that he (and herself, too) have only begun to heal, but she also has faith that they can get through this. She reaches for one of Leia’s little hands, stroking the soft skin of their baby girl’s tiny fingers. Emma and Killian both sit quietly, watching Leia breathe, trying to forget the pain of the day and just be here, in this moment. The wind howls in the night, strong and full, but neither of them fear they’ll float away…for their little anchor is safely nestled between them, tethering their hearts securely to home.

And that was the sixth time.